For as long as I can remember, I’ve prided myself on being non-confrontational. 

Finding ways around conflict has always come easy to me. From the first sense of hostility, I am up on my toes, ready to navigate around the situation. It is like an alarm goes off in my head, the words ALERT, ALERT, ALERT flashing in bright red letters. The only option seems to be to avoid the conflict — no matter how big or small it truly is. 

If you’re like and you try to avoid confrontation at all costs, you probably behave this way because a). you think it’s a better use of your time or b). you really, really hate fighting with other people. Both reasons have some merit. For me, I’d have to go with option No. 2. 

Although I certainly believe there are better ways to spend your time than dealing with conflict, there’s nothing I detest more than fighting. Whenever I am in a situation where no one seems to be able to settle on a solution, my instincts tell me to get out of it in any way possible. Nope, I think to myself as I prepare to dart out of the room until the whole thing blows over. This sometimes means sacrificing what I want to keep things at bay, or worse: not even fighting for it in the first place. But in my head, it has always been a necessary evil. You give up one thing but avoid something much more frustrating. 

When I think about it, it makes sense for me to see my non-confrontational nature as positive. After all, one of the first things we’re taught as children is not to fight. However, what I’ve come to discover about my non-confrontational habits is that they might not be a good thing all the time. Being non-confrontational may seem ideal in theory, but it can create a set of problems of its own. 

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The biggest concern with being non-confrontational is that avoiding conflict isn’t always the right move. Although it may save you a headache or two, steering clear of disagreement for the sake of steering clear of it won’t help you resolve issues or move forward. Instead, it will allow them to churn and fester, growing stronger and infuriating you to no end. Problems that could have been resolved in a simple, straightforward conversation continue to linger until they morph into full-blown complications. By that point, there really is no effective way to solve them. One way or another, someone is bound to be hurt. 

I have no problem understanding the rationality of this argument. But implementing it? Actually stirring up or engaging in conflict situations? To me, that seems pretty close to impossible. 

Lately, I’ve been considering a different approach to conflict, attempting to reframe my mindset by reminding myself that it is not only a healthy part of life, but a necessary one, too. If we don’t address issues or stand up for ourselves, we get trapped in a cycle of discomfort. We continuously put ourselves in situations where we know we won’t be happy with the results. 

Not shedding light on an issue because you’re unwilling to handle the messiness of conflict is not the right solution. While I would much rather avoid conflict, I know that it isn’t an effective way to deal with things. It may be hard to convince yourself to do something that puts you out of your element, but it is a vital part of getting where you want to go. Sometimes, confrontation is going to be the thing that drives you forward.

How are you when it comes to confrontation?

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